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Takeyourlastbreath's Journal

Saturday, February 9, 2013

10:46PM - heh

The pursuit of success is an empty endevor. And learning for the sake of learning costs a shit-ton of time and money.
I hate it, but I benifit from my pragmatism.

I read some of my previous livejounal entries and have made a few observations:

1) I am an arrogant human being.
2) Some of my best posts are about complete bs.
3) I am successful at work, but feel as though I have lost my way in life.
4) I miss my omaha friends.

exhibit A: I just made a numbered list about my feelings.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

8:34PM - Then and Now

I used to have so much fun spilling my guts onto the world wide web, forever bronzing myself with bullshit words and stuff. Now I have so much fun reading and re-living all of it.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

9:55PM - ooooh life's problems

Am I drunk? maybe. I just don't know what I should do. Should I shave my beard? I mean it is so ironic and oh my god its on the tip of my tongue...it is so Canadian-Vegan-and-Broken Social Scene. I mean I'm 27 and I still care about what people wear and look like!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

11:16PM - Is anyone going to read this?

It's been about 16 months since my last lj entry...

..and i'm pretty sure so much has happened in my life that I have very little to say about it, but I might as well do a little bragging: I am starting grad school in about 2 weeks, I have a published technical paper in geotechnical engineering under my belt, I have an adorable GF, I still ride my bike, and I am comfortable with my life.

I am bummed that my flight to omaha was canceled last month.

how's everyone else doing? drop me a line.


-James

Sunday, August 10, 2008

8:26PM - First entry since...

... I started growing up? I always wanted wisdom to drip out of my mouth. I always people to hold cups under my chin to catch a taste. I always wanted to be greater than great.

All that time spent always wanting something so utterly ridiculous, I missed out on so much of my own life. Lately, I've been replaying memories and they look different. They look like a jackass.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

9:05PM - I don't want to be a part this

Probably the best advice I have ever received was from my father:

"if something doesn't feel right, it isn't."

it is truthful, simple advice

and is means that right now nothing in my life is feeling right.

and by right I mean wholesome, ethical, and aligned with what I would like to stand for.

It's kind of depressing.

Current mood: crappy

Thursday, July 12, 2007

9:17PM

General lack of enthusiasm for those basically not trying.

We are not iceburgs, we should not drift

We are all worm farmers in training, we should gnash our teeth and kick and swear and spit at our fate... we should be passionate about doing something more than wormfarming in our youth.

Goddamn

Current mood: Down right dissatisfied

Sunday, July 8, 2007

2:18PM - not good at certain types of lying

smile, nod, pretend to agree, then throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

10:50PM

the product of bees flying around and stinging, swapping nectar and spit, trying to understand what nature intends to do with your fruit is fruitless, when it falls prematurely and melts under the scorching sun, or when it grows just tall enough to see the crepuscular rays poking through an afternoon thunderstorm, for the first time, so surreal, only to be cut down by lighting. the bee was not cruel to pollinate, just instinctual. Same with the lighting. What's cruel is loving the path of least resistance when you are not just a bee or a bolt of lighting.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

10:37PM

I have the most amazing GF on the planet. Her name is Becky Alt. She has a giant rabbit named Bently. The end.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

10:55PM

music... stirred the visceral void inside me. comingled air with stomach bile. made me burb out my worries. it smelled really fucking bad, but felt incredible.

Monday, April 10, 2006

11:07PM

truth and sadness.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

9:28PM

Contains.

9:21PM

people are becoming increasingly efficient at making money rather than becoming efficient at contributing in order make a living. The incentives for greed are incomprehensible at times.

Monday, April 3, 2006

11:46PM

Everything.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

9:45PM

when I was 16 years old, I used to walk home from school every listening to operation ivy or nofx in my headphones. I was usually wearing baggy corduroy pants, tattered sneakers, and smoking swisher sweets. My older brother would buy them for me in what I assumed was an unspoken agreement to keep my mouth shut about his social endeavors-that or an attempt on his behalf to be a cool brother. I walked by all the neatly groomed palm trees, bushes, and saguaros throwing rocks at stuff. I wondered what it would be like to sleep with a woman. I fantasized about being a punk rock icon. I had no idea what the point of anything was. I had no real understanding of the mechinations of modern society. I was so cool.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

7:47PM - Mixed Reviews

Tired of one liners. Tired of cliches like "lets get this buttoned up" or "86 it". Yet, I catch myself saying shit like this more and more. Job specific venacular is a disease that eats away at you.

I've had some shit eating away at me lately.

I enjoy my job right now--in the sense I like what I do, but I do it too much. I woke up in the middle of the night last night asleep next to her and I thought " how on earth could this person be interested in me?" Then I fell asleep inside a warm down blanket, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life. I don't want to realize 10 years from now that I didn't have any fun for the last ten years. I don' t want her to realize that I am no fun right now. I'm trying to sort through so many things in my life right now that I am completely dumbfounded.

Current mood: anxious

Thursday, February 23, 2006

10:14PM

Some lady hit my car last weekend.

Then, she not only denied it, she said it was my fault.

I was stopped and had my horn on for several seconds.

...It's what I get for owning a new car...eh.

but if I have to pay $750 to fix my car because some rich, middle aged, real estate agent in boulder colorado is a dishonest whore......

I'll probably do absolutely nothing but stew in anger for a few months.



errrggggggg!

pffft!

Monday, February 20, 2006

7:36PM

PS: Congrats you know who. That is awesome news!

7:26PM

In the past month I have done the following at work:


Finite element steady state seepage analysis.Material properties selection of a Reservoir for denver water.Slurry wall construction/design. Data reduction of for a reservoir in thorton.Quantity estimates.Drafting.Investigations of workmanship that will likely involve a huge lawsuit.Map making. Inspections. and reviews.

All in all, I have worked my way through a thousand or so pages of technical manuals, memorandums, reports, specifications, design documents etc.

And I have also spent no time at all becoming a better person. Sorry. I will try harder.

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